Thank you!

He did it again! But Im just going to take a deep long breathe n move on. A coward is what you are. You are truly a reminder to myself of the type of person I do not want my son to be! Be a man for god sake will you!

New Post new RESPONSIBILITY.

So far, it has been 2 months, ..sigh.., if only I can come up with a valid reason to quit, I'll definitely QUIT today! But then again, since when I am a quitter?? Erghh..

Happy Birthday to me!

Yup. Im the last day of the year baby..therefore, I Finally turned 38 yesterday (31st Dec) . Nothing much happened...Hubby was the first to wish me, followed by his aunties ( they came n spent a nite at my place)...and the rest of the day was as ordinary as it can be.

Had lunch with my usual buddies at work, shah n shikin. Came back early from work, spent it watching korean drama with Ain till 5.30. Picked up Syamil. Maghrib.

Hubby brought a cake home. A tiramisu. Hmmmm the thots that count right? :)

Cooked dinner. Just a simple kuey tiaw goreng... And half an hour after dinner, i fell asleep in front of the TV. ..then was awaken by my youngest asking me to go upstair with him.

3am, performed my Isyak. Went back to sleep .., woke up at 6.20 by my husband shrieking voice 'arrrgghhh it 6.20!!!'

So in conclusion, I only want to say alhamdullilah. The day may not be or was not made special for me, but I am still ever so grateful to Allah for still giving me the opportunity to still perform my shallat n ibadah towards him.

...

Sedih

Woke up late this morning at 6.20am! Not a very good beginning, when ur first Subuh of the new year is late eh. Astagfirrullah, may Allah forgive me :(

Anyways, am now at my kids sek agama, to pay their school fees etc and also to pick up their report cards. .. My son didn't do so well... and I am so sadden by this. .. And I am so engulfed with guilt right now. May be all this while, I was too engrossed with my own studies, that I had failed or hd ignored / neglected his pleas for help.

....How should I deliver him the news...

Jealousy...

ish..lama nya tak menulis...lots of things had happened in the past few weeks. and its have been both mentally and physically tiring.

From the outside, I imagine people to think I have this perfect life...well that is partly true actually. I have a big house, a nice car, good job...and Alhamdullilah my marriage and my small family...well..we are indeed feel very blessed. Nevertheless, I can't help from feeling jealous looking at others' family....other families are huge!...they often have their yearly gatherings...make holiday plans together...seronok tgk dorang...bila raya...mereka balik kampung berduyun2......dorang masak ramai2, sembahyang sama sampai penuh ruang tamu tu.....anak2 seronok main pasir sama2 (almaklum le pasir bandar byk bakteria, pasir kg tak de..hehe ye ke?) dan paling jealous .....hmm tak pe le.....Allah itu Maha Agung dan Maha mengetahui kan....

Man jadda wajjada.

Its a major correction Dr....and I said "what?!!"

I have never really be  a very defensive person, but when it comes to dealing with this particular individual, my 'armour' is all set and ready, somehow? This is really bad. I really don't want living my life thinking that he is always out to get me. That he is an opportunist, that the very moment I let my guard down, he will be right there and then, ever ready to take me down., So, NO. I want to always to think the very best of others, this is who I am. This is how I define myself. Therefore, I pray, if he is doing this out of malice, then let Allah punish him, and if it sincerely because of his kind heart/self,  then may Allah reward him.

But I am only human.

So I tell myself,

"lahaulawala kuwatailla billa ali ilazim" , "man jadda wajjada" ...

 Usaha, doa, dan bertawakallah...

Ya Allah, tenangkan lah hati ini, sesungguhku aku redha bahawa setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Ameen. 

To cook or NOT to cook...that is the question.

Its 5pm, and I still have no idea what to cook for dinner today. hahah crazy, but believe it or not, thinking of what to cook for dinner can also stresses me out! Let me guess what your husband will say when you asked him, "what do you want to eat tonight sayang?"...and he'll say " makan yang simple simple saja dah le"....arghhh...if only there is such a lauk called "yang simple simple saje" our problem would have been solved!!

I love you sayang...but sometimes....you are not helping ok! *muuuahhhs* heheh

Nothing....everything......

oh dear...when I decided to have a blog of my own, it was simply out of jealousy! A friend who used to work with me (she moved btw), was telling me how she enjoys writing about her 'adventures' reinventing her house and making use her newly bought sewing machine. Hahaha I am such an idiot sometimes. Always trying to prove to myself that 'if anybody can, I can too'. How hard can it be right? Blogging, is just a simple narrations of what you have been doing and how 'fun' the experiences was. Silly me. Writing something that is worth reading is no 'kacang putih' at all ya.

Well...thats not really true actually, I do have loads to talk about which I truly believe worth sharing, but itu lah 'masa itu sangat mencemburui ku" ahaks...I am so busy doing.... nothing....everything... hmm how can I explain myself ya...I supposed all the working married women with 3 young children out there would understand what I am talking about....we are so busy doing... nothing...everything...because it seems as if we have done 1001 jobs that day..but the only real 'achievement' that we can recall are seeing our children cleaned, well fed, happy and our husband's smiling face....so is that nothing or everything? Please.. do tell.

L.O.V.E

I love my husband so very much, I can't imagine life without him,. He stimulates me  both intellectually, and emotionally. He balances me. and most importantly, I share three beautiful children with him. ...and I think...hmm..no I believe...he loves me too. Need I say more?

Wasting Time.

Its 10 minutes to midnight...I'm sleepy, but the weird thing is...I don"t want to go to sleep yet. I'd planned to do some catching up with works...updating the class syllabus...clean the house...lipat kain and stuff. But only manage to do some laundry today...and had spent the rest of the day in front of the TV watching movies with hubby and kids....so much for the plan...and now I am further wasting my time writing gibberish late at nite....aduhai....

People say time is gold...of course it is...and yet people choose to waste it all the time...myself included. ..lately I feel as if I am wasting it more than usual...Hati ni tak lah risau sangat mengingati kerja-keja ofis yang bertimbun-timbun tu....because I know..;kerja-kerja ofis tu will never never be finished...dan lagipun mmg perangai aku selalu tangguhkan kerja ...dah dari azali macamtu...baik masa study dulu...sampai le sekarang....ntah le bila nak beruabah pun tak tahu lah...ada je bende-bende lain yg lagi menarik nak dibuat bila hati tu baru nak mula fikir nak siapkan kerja.....hahha...but this is the least of my worries. I am most worried about this...sembahyang aku...

Sejak kebelakangan ini......masa sembahyang pun tak dijaga...makin hari makin lambat....kekadang tu air sembahyang dah siap diambik...tapi boleh duduk balik depan komputer ...Ya Allah...kenapalah lemah sangat iman ku ini.....lindungi lah aku ya Allah...jgn lah sesekali ko tarik nikmat iman ni setelah kau berikan kepadaku ya Allah....Isk I miss Ramadhan...

Writing the first posting

Hahha...how hard can it be be right? But I have been staring at this screen for almost an hour now...arghh.. i thought I have loads to talk about right? haha...

...I actually just came back from a HariRaya do down my street. It was a simple affair...with the typical hari raya food...lemang, ketupat , roti jala, and  and the not so usual menu, ice cream for the kids. But that was not the highlight of my evening....this is... I saw one of my son's friend mother seating at one of the table and decided to join her...I've met her before so it was not the first time we talked....so basically we were just talking about our sons, their behavior at school, their school works etc , ...then she asked me ...Did you ever teach Kenegaraan before? My first reaction was...

You are not one of my students, are you?
hahha....yes I was!
Then she said...haha, I knew it, I had a feeling I knew you from somewhere the first time we talked. It was my husband, who confidently said to me...its Miss ***y lah

yup yup....what a small world they were my first group of students....and yup I was a still a Miss then....

Wow, twelve years have passed. Alhamdullilah. They remember me still...now I know how my father feels everytime somebody stop him and said..."ni cikgu *r** ke?" Hahah No wonder why he smiles from ear to ear every single time. It feels nice to be remembered :)